Hopes are high for the possibility of an intention to aspire to a major announcement
Miami MLS team comes 50% closer after earth shattering news today
The destination of the 24th Major League Soccer franchise is now confirmed after massive news coming out of Miami today.
In a news release described by everyone as historic, Miami owner and unofficial Greatest Living Englishman David Beckham confirmed that he was confident that he may soon hope to have the intention of making an announcement confirming the possibility of another announcement sometime in the not too distant but not too near future.
The announcement will be historic according to an MLS Press release
“We do not use the word “historic” lightly,” said MLS Director of Communication Dan Shortsleeves. “In fact we use it quite heavily.”
The potential Miami announcement which was described as significant by almost anyone currently living in Miami or working in Manhattan will declare that Beckham’s Miami franchise have in fact widened their search for a stadium beyond all the locations that have already been ruled out.
Beckham had initially identified a new location in Miami which only fell through because when researching the distance to the airport, an advisor discovered it was the airport.
Reaction in Manahattan was jubilant to the news from Florida:
“They are no longer hoping to promise significant announcements about locations they have absolutely no chance of playing in,” said MLS Commissioner Don Garber adding, “This is the biggest step forward in three years.”
Beckham was equally enthusiastic:
“We are at a significant moment,” he said through handlers with more experience at stringing a sentence together.
“I have now decided to announce that I hope to intend to look at other properties to see if I like them.
“Once I have identified somewhere worthy of issuing another press release, I will ask MLSSoccer.com to run another sycophantic article about its importance, and keep banging on about it until the owner of the land finds out we have been talking to the media about his property 6 months later.”
However, Prost Amerika can reveal that those ridiculing the Beckham initiative, those Beckham-haters are soon to receive a shock. Determined not to be deprived of a club merely because nobody in Miami wants one, the Beckham family is set to make a shock move.
Vicky Pollard
The London lad whose loyalty to nearby Manchester United defines his personality has been determined to own a football club since reading “Billy’s Boots” in Shoot Magazine at the age of eight.
We can exclusively reveal that a representative of Beckham’s people contacted Warren Smith the owner of Sacramento Republic the club next in line for a franchise. But the catalyst for the approach was not the player himself.
Cynics who thought Beckham chose Miami because his wife Victoria “Vicky Pollard” Spice would only live in a fashion capital of the world will be dumbfounded by the news that she fell in love with Sacramento after accidentally googling a yelp review called 9 Truly Fun Things to do in Sacramento.
“Yeah but no but … it’s got a railroad museum,” she enthused in a skype call to Prost Amerika.
“Brooklyn loves trains. And an Automobile Museum. Cars are just awesome aren’t they? I love old cars. They’re almost as good as new cars. And there’s a zoo. My other child loves llamas and has done since our third nanny bought David a stuffed one for his 32nd birthday. “There’s even a City Bicycle Works.”
“I am going to love Sacramento.” she gushed. “It reminds me of Ipswich.”
Republic owner Warren Smith was unavailable for comment as he was getting his Chinos ironed but the Sacramento Republic PR Director Hilda Dreep did not deny the story:
“We thought Warren and his bald head was sexy but having Beckham here? Phwarrr.
“We’re going to have the two sexiest men in world football owning our team. This will make (former male model and now Earthquakes President) Dave Kaval and Dominic Kinnear look like the Elephant Men,” she giggled while stressing that relations between the Sacramento Republic and Earthquakes were incredibly harmonious although she later admitted she found Jon Busch ‘scary’ and Steven Lenhart looked like a bit like the doll that comes alive in movies and tries to kill an entire village.”
No-one should be concerned about the thought of the Beckham Circus coming to Sacramento though as the city already has a permanent circus in the same building as the California State Legislature – called the California State Legislature.
There will probably be an announcement about all this. At least that’s the intention. Hopefully.
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